“Man Up”
I decided to take a different approach to what I originally planned in this blog post. I initially wanted to detail my opinion on the topic, however, I now decided to take a more objective route. Below contains my analysis of the phrase ‘Man up’ with reference to examples online. I also dig a bit deeper and address other ways in which men in particular are affected by societal expectations.
(Bibliography & Footnotes included at the end)
Under a tone of frustration, sincerity, and urgency, Guante’s ’10 Responses to the Phrase Man Up’ speaks about the phrase ‘Man up’ and explores ways in which men can combat the use of the said phrase. Although he does not explicitly refer to it by name, Guante does an excellent job in describing toxic masculinity in the way that telling a man to ‘Man up’ “suggests that competence and perseverance are uniquely masculine traits”[1] (Guante). In his TedTalk, Joe Ehrmann emphasises Guante’s point when he says “the three scariest words every man receives in his lifetime… is ‘Be a man’ ”[2] (Ehrmann). Guante goes on to describe how the colour socks assigned to babies at birth to identify their gender bothers him, which is arguably a benign issue, if even an issue at all. One can presume Guante’s real issue is not with the actual colour the babies receive but more to do with the lack of encouragement of individuality that young children receive, as they are often left to conform to social norms that have been fixed to them since birth. In his ninth response, Guante takes a melancholy tone than before and says “I want to be free to express myself”[3] (Guante) This comes across as a cry for help and highlights another issue that was raised by Ehrmann. Ehrmann describes a condition that the majority of men develop, known as Alexithymia which he details as the “inability to put emotions into words”[4] (Ehrmann). This is further highlighted in Guante’s next response, “ I want to have meaningful, emotional relations with my brothers”[5] (Guante). This desire to connect and relate to other men, and other people in general for that matter, is also at risk of being suppressed due to toxic masculinity and Alexithymia. Ehrmann explains that this condition leads to the inability to understand others and how they are feeling, and “creates an empathy deficit disorder”[6] (Ehrmann). The ending of Guante’s text is interesting, as he finished with some 15 responses instead of the 10 he details in the title of his poem. This indicates that the objective of the poem is to make the reader realise that there are much more than 10 responses to the phrase ‘Man up’. The poem shows us how you could endlessly go on with new responses. Guante finishes with a final bland response of “No”[7] (Guante). This highlights how simple the response should be and how hollow and pointless the phrase ‘Man up’ is. It can be argued that Guante is aware that perhaps ‘No’ is the most effective way of defeating the demand. A simple and quick answer implies that the request was not important enough to give much thought to, therefore implying that the phrase ‘Man up’ should not be entertained nor acknowledged, and a simple ‘No’ will suffice, which seems to be a way of dealing with this request that has not been tried often among men.
The second text that will be analysed here is Matthew Foley’s ‘I Love You Bro’. Foley delineates in an entertaining and amusing way, the stereotypical ways in which men treat one another in social gatherings or one to one meetups. Although Foley gives this performance in a witty and comical way, he still highlights some serious issues about toxic masculinity. Foley opens his piece with all the quintessential slang words used by men to greet each other and calls it “the vocabulary of modern male friendship”[8] (Foley). Here we see all the ways in which men have designed a way of conversing that is almost understood as its own language in western society. This way of speaking is wrapped up in a tough guy persona package with the intention of “trying to love each other in a world of… ‘no homo bro’”[9] (Foley). This is an idea of language correction, lest anyone think you are homosexual. This insecurity that many heterosexual men have with being associated with homosexuality has given birth to homosocial societal structures across the board, from slang forms of greetings to sports; “Of all sports, football seems to be the most sanctioned homosocial opportunity for straight men to…pat butts, struggle, strive, and take showers together…The reason there are face masks on those helmets is so that they can't kiss each other”[10] (Clinton). The Irish comedy band Dead Cat Bounce released a satirical song called ‘Rugby’ in which they attempt to combat the social stigma associated with men hiding their homosexuality. The band sings “we can hide or love and pretend it’s a game… let’s call it rugby”[11] (DeadCatBounce). This is a brilliant slam against the prejudice of homosexuals, as it tackles the typically manly and gentlemanly sport of rugby. Ehrmann and Foley seem to share very similar outlooks on what makes life worth living. In their opinion, this outlook is overlooked by many men because of their toxic masculinity. According to both men, what makes life worth living is the “ability to love and be loved in return”[12] (Foley) and “the capacity to love and be loved”[13] (Ehrmann). Ehrmann describes this by relating it back to sports, while Foley relates his message back to fostering emotional relations with his male friends. This demonstrates that from sports to everyday friendship, the ability to love and be loved is key for men to live and lead a fulfilling life. General access to this life fulfilment is being inhibited by men’s toxic masculinity which, as mentioned, can lead to the development of Alexithymia. This then leads to a vicious circle of being unable to express emotions in words, thus being unable to love or be loved. Guante’s and Foley’s messages are also somewhat similar, especially when we reach the end of each text. Both works finish with the two men detailing their desires for themselves and their fellow man. Foley says, “I want to love these men I call my brothers; feed the soil where grows the dreams of my brothers”[14] (Foley). Similarly, Guante says “I want to be free to express myself… have meaningful emotional relationships with my brothers… be weak sometimes…talk to my son about something other than sports…to be who I am”[15] (Guante). In this way, the two men are detailing their own personal desires whereas before they were focusing on a generalised view of the issue of toxic masculinity. It seems as if, towards the end of the poem they realise that they to are men, and they to are being affected by their own masculine hegemony, so they become self-aware.
Hegemonic masculinity is a difficult societal issue with no clear way of overcoming it. The lyrical texts that have been analysed here have raised interesting questions and provoked conversation on the issue of toxic masculinity. The theorists mentioned in this blog also used their following and esteemed reputation in a way that ensures that the public is informed on the issue. This opens up a forum for dialogue that would hopefully fix the issue. Joe Ehrmann and Guante assumed a serious and urgent demeanour while Dead Cat Bounce opted for a more satirical, comic relief image. Foley switched attitudes throughout, alternating from an amusing to a more sombre tone towards the end. All in all, each speaker successfully managed to portray hegemonic masculinity in their own style, and from the perspective of different sections of society.
[1] Guante, ’10 Responses to the Phrase Man Up’
[2] Joe Ehrmann, ‘Be a Man’
[3] Guante, ’10 Responses to the Phrase Man Up’
[4] Joe Ehrmann, ‘Be a Man’
[5] Guante, ’10 Responses to the Phrase Man Up’
[6] Joe Ehrmann, ‘Be a Man’
[7] Guante, ’10 Responses to the Phrase Man Up’
[8] Matthew Foley, ‘I Love You Bro’
[9] Matthew Foley, ‘I Love You Bro’
[10] Kate Clinton, ‘Don’t Get Me Started’, p.144
[11] Dead Cat Bounce, ‘Rugby’
[12] Matthew Foley, ‘I Love You Bro’
[13] Joe Ehrmann, ‘Be a Man’
[14] Matthew Foley, ‘I Love You Bro’
[15] Guante, ’10 Responses to the Phrase Man Up’
I. Guante. 10 Responses to the Phrase 'Man Up'. 22 November 2013. <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFoBaTkPgco&vl=en>. Assessed 10 November 2020
II. Ehrmann, Joe. Be a Man. 20 February 2013. <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVI1Xutc_Ws>. Assessed 10 November 2020
III. Clinton, Kate. Don't Get Me Started. 1998. <https://books.google.ie/books?redir_esc=y&id=lB1aAAAAMAAJ&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=football>. Assessed 10 November 2020
IV. DeadCatBounce. Rugby. 07 March 2011. <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTpXymuwxNs>. Assessed 10 November 2020.
V. Holland, Janet. The Male in the Head. 1998. Assessed 10 November 2020.
VI. Foley, Joe. I love You Bro. 05 November 2016. <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jD45cqhqPmI>. Assessed 10 ovember 2020